


I Lost My Final Fight To Disease.

by FatefulAfterlife



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Beaches, Cancer, Fluff, M/M, emotional stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26626477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatefulAfterlife/pseuds/FatefulAfterlife
Summary: Brian has been acting a little strange lately. One fateful visit to the doctor’s later and the happy couple receive some solemn news.
Relationships: Synyster Gates/Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan
Kudos: 2





	I Lost My Final Fight To Disease.

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse any spelling errors, I wrote this for no particular reason.

“Jimmy, no...” Brian groans when I try to help him up off our couch. “I just woke up.”

“Cmon, I don’t care about your tired aches right now. You have to move elsewhere, Bri...” I speak firmly towards him. His eyes are more tired than usual, and he just coughs into his hand again as a response before quickly wiping it on his pants. “What was that?”

He shakes his head and waves me off. “It’s just spit.” He assures me in a croaky voice. It sounds like someone squished a frog, not at all like the melodic and sweet voice of my husband.

“Brian, you’ve got a problem, baby,” I crouch down in front of where he’s slumped on the couch. He looks close to hyperventilating our of fear, so I hug him close. “I’m taking you to see a doctor, and that’s final.”

“Noooooo,” Brian wails like some sort of stubborn banshee as I carry him bridal style over to the door. I put my hoodie over him so he won’t get cold and walk out to the car after locking up the house. It’s fall, so the temperature can get chilly, and with the amount of weight Brian’s lost, he’s more susceptible to cold. “I don’t wanna!”

“Shush, you absolute child,” I use a stern voice, but it comes out as a choked off sob and Brian can hear it. I watch his expression go from tired to sad in the matter of seconds before he lets a few tears fall down his face. “No no, please don’t cry, I’m sorry.” I rapidly apologize and set him down in the passenger seat.

“I wanna go home and sleep, Jimmy. ‘M tired...” I watch Brian curl up in the hoodie I’ve given him like it’s a comfort blanket.

“Baby, no. Not this time. This time you need to see a doctor.” I’m back to being serious. Usually, I’d just give in and let him go back to sleep, but this time I refuse. Last time I looked up his symptoms, I just made myself cry, so now I just want a definitive answer.

He’s gone back to coughing again, and I flinch. His balled up fist is holding blood droplets, and my heart sinks. He’s been hiding this for too long from me.

My hands are shaky as I manage to drive us to the hospital without crashing. It might be a first since Brian doesn’t let me drive after one time I crashed the car. Once we arrive at the hospital, I set him down in the waiting room and begin the long long process of getting Brian seen by a doctor.

I can’t say it’s not cute when Brian’s curled up form leans his head on my lap to get some rest. After a while of watching people complain and combing Brian’s hair with my fingers, a doctor walks around the corner with a wheelchair. “Mr. Haner-Sullivan?”

“Cmon, Bri, get up,” I nudge him up and carry him to the wheelchair. Carrying him used to be easy, now it’s too damn easy, and it’s concerning. There he goes with the doctor back around the corner. Who knows what will come back? “I love you..”

It’s been hours since he left, and finally the doctor from before approaches me. “Sir, I need you to follow me.”

“Is he alright? Is my Brian going to be okay?” I ask in a panic, standing up faster than my hungry and dehydrated body would appreciate.

“I regret to inform you the opposite,” the doctor sighs as we’re walking to Brian’s room. “In fact, it’s the worst it can get.”

My tears start falling. What’s the worst it can get? What’s wrong with my husband? He pushes open the door and I see Brian lying there, playing with his hair.

“Ta-da!” Brian croaks in a quiet voice, though still determined to be a sarcastic little shit. 

I run up and give him a hug while the doctor sits on his stool and taps the blue ballpoint against the paper. “I regret to inform you that it’s lung cancer. Stage four, it’s metastasized into his brain. He doesn’t have much time left.”

My mind cannot wrap my head around this it seems, and all I can do is cry my eyes out while holding Brian. His face has remained the same since we got here, and it’s hard to read what he’s feeling. 

“Jimmy, it’s okay... it’s okay, baby,” He reassured me, giving me pats on the back. “You’re going to get through this.”

“I’m more worried about you!” I wail, clinging onto him as if he was going to die in that very moment.

“They said I have two weeks left, beautiful. We can go out for visiting or they can discharge me and I’ll die at home.” Brian is giving me the option. Why me? He knows what I’ll pick... two weeks left isn’t enough time.

“I want you to be discharged! I don’t want to watch you spend the time you have left trapped here in this cold, blue bed!” I hold him curled up in my arms, using one of my hands to pet his hair.

“Then discharged I shall be. And we can have the full two weeks to do whatever we want.” Brian gives me a tired grin, keeping his face smushed against my chest.

The doctor gives me a little book that’s supposed to help me deal with his symptoms if he gets them, and then we leave. Brian has to be carried back to our car, and his hand is hanging down to brush over the flowers we’re walking past. 

I used to love his hands, watching him play guitar and hold my face with them, but now I just... can’t. His knuckle tattoos spelling out a brand of cigarettes is just a little too much for me.

“Can we have a movie night with snacks?” Brian asks softly. His eyes aren’t showing contempt, or hatred, or anger. They’re soft, and scared, and it breaks my heart almost to see his tough exterior crumble so easily.

“Of course we can, sweetheart.” I kiss his defined cheekbone and buckle him into the car. 

“I don’t think I need that,” Brian gestured to the seatbelt. “I’m dying soon anyways.”

I fight back the urge to slap him because of my frustration and pull him in for a deep kiss that leaves us both breathless. “Please don’t talk like that. I don’t need that right now.” 

“Fine, I won’t. But you better use a seatbelt too.” Brian reaches up to touch my face with his bony and calloused hand in an attempt to get a kiss.

I giggle and give him another before going to my side and crawling into my seat. Guess I’ll be driving now, I have to be careful. I don’t know how Brian always seems so calm no matter the circumstance. It’s strangely comforting.

Brian’s gaze is captured by the trees whizzing past us and all the bright coloured leaves. Fall is my favourite season, but soon I’ll grow to hate it. What was once the prettiest time of year when Brian could steal my hoodies and dress up for Halloween is now going to be the season in which the love of my life dies. 

Once we’re home, we get out of the car and I let Brian lean on me for help walking. We make it inside the house and I set him down on the couch so he won’t overwork himself. Once he’s in a comfortable position, I make the choice to text the others the awful news.

My phone is gently placed face down elsewhere while I hear the notifications roll in. I’ll respond to them later, because my focus at the moment is the pair of coffee brown eyes that are looking at me like a lost puppy.

“What’s up, sweetheart?” I ask, moving to sit next to Brian. He doesn’t even say anything, he just leans against me and starts crying. 

“No... baby, don’t cry...” I squeak. His crying is making me cry. At least when we were both calm, I could keep my emotions in check, but now I can’t. I’m bawling my eyes out while I’m supposed to be staying strong. 

Brian’s tears slow to a stop as he realizes that crying won’t do him any good, and he focuses on wiping away my tears. “Why don’t we spend these next two weeks forgetting that I’m dying? Just spend it like we usually would, like nothing’s wrong.”

“Alright.” I agree, wrapping him in a tight hug. Ignorance is bliss as they say. If Brian wants to forget, then let’s forget. 

We end up laughing our asses off at a movie and order dinner because neither of us really want to cook. All in all, it’s a great night, and Brian falls asleep curled up in my lap while we’re in the middle of a horror movie. How is that fair? He’s supposed to be here to comfort me with scary stuff! 

I giggle to myself and grab a blanket. I drape it over the two of us and lay down on the couch to sleep as well.

I have no dreams that night, and I’m woken up in the morning to two wide brown eyes and a little smile. Brian is just laying on my chest with no intentions of moving. “Morning.”

“Morning, beautiful,” I grin, pressing a kiss to his cheek. His face goes red and he melts into my embrace. Yeah, forgetting won’t be too hard I suppose.

Over the next week, his symptoms start getting worse and worse, and all I can do is worry, but I don’t let that interrupt anything. We’ve gone for walks, we’ve gone to the park, we’ve gone bowling and we’ve even gone to the zoo. 

Tonight, we’re making s’mores using the little fire pit in our backyard. Tomorrow is Halloween, and Brian says he really wants to trick or treat, so I’ll probably see if I can take him. Because of our age, I’ve gone around to all our neighbours’ houses and told them what’s going on. Most of them said they would hand out candy just to give Brian some happy memories before he goes, so that’s good. The other band members are joining too for the extra nostalgic feel.

Brian hands me a s’more that’s made just the way I prefer, so take it and bite into it. I can now go back to blissful ignorance like usual.

Halloween this year has pretty decent weather. I’ve finished with my makeup and the rest of my outfit, so I go to check on Brian. He’s finished his makeup as well. Since we’re cheesy, we’ve decided to dress up as the lovers from A Little Piece Of Heaven. He’s the girl though and doesn’t seem to mind. We’re covered in gashes and we’ve even got special whiteout contacts to make us look zombified, it’s super cool. 

There’s a knock at the door as Brian is finishing his hair though, so I open it to find out friends standing there. Johnny is dressed like a reaper with bat wings, Zacky looks like some cool combination of different horror characters, and Matt is just dressed as V from V For Vendetta. “Surprise!” They all shout.

Brian sees them and walks outside to greet them all with a bright smile. He’s added a fake bug to his face that looks like it’s crawling out of his ear, and he looks great. Once we’ve complimented each other’s costumes, the trick or treating can start and the kind neighbours hand out candy to Brian while he tries not to cough all over them.

Once we’ve gathered a fair bit of candy, I start walking us back home. Instead of going inside the house though, I pick Brian up and start carrying him towards the backyard and out behind it into the woods. He’s looking very confused while the others follow us. 

Once we’ve made it a fair bit into the woods, I start carrying Brian up to our old treehouse we hung out in as kids. It’s still big enough for all five of us, so that’s a good thing. Brian just smiles widely and dumps his candy onto the wooden floor while the rest of us do the same.

It’s a sort of tradition where we pick up whichever candy we like and leave whatever we don’t like. Then the leftover candy is eaten first. After a long while of talking, Johnny gets out a case of drinks and the conversation becomes better. It’s almost impossible to remember we’re only doing this because Brian’s dying.

Most of us end up going home after a while, and I’m carrying Brian with his candy back to our place. Before I can carry him into the shower, he touches my arm and asks one simple little question. “Can we dance?”

I nod and smile, setting the candy aside and standing Brian up. He just giggles a little. “It’s like when we learned to ballroom dance in high school..” so I kiss him to silence him a bit while our bodies do all the work.

“Yeah, dancing around in makeup and fake blood. Fits my aesthetic.” I giggle, wrapping an arm around his waist as we begin dancing with him. After around twenty minutes of chit-chat and calming dancing, he starts drooping a little. I walk him carefully to our shower and help him wash the makeup off while I use a couple wipes to get it off of myself. Now that we’re both clean, we move to our room to fall asleep.

A couple more days go by, and I know my time with Brian is limited. Tonight, I’m driving as carefully as possible down to our old favourite beach to hang out for a bit. We won’t go in the water, but I’ve brought a blanket to just lay in the sand. It’s sunset, which is perfect timing. We won’t have to stay in the cold for very long.

I carry Brian out of the car since he’s been unable to walk lately from fatigue, and I set him down on the blanket once that’s been laid down. We stay like that for a few minutes, just watching the waves crash against the sand. I sit down next to my peaceful husband, who wasn’t very peaceful before all this. He’s sort of lost his ability to be wild and crazy, because he’s tired and worn out all the time.

His arms weakly wrap around me, and it breaks my heart. I kiss him sweetly just to hopefully ease the pain, and I lay down beside him. “I love you, Bri.”

“Love you more, Jimmy...” Brian has a croaky voice again, and a hopeless look in his eyes. It’s like he knows something I don’t, and I want to cry.

“Remember when we used to come here and bury each other in the sand?” I try to lighten the mood a little.

“Yeah, and surfing was pretty fun too. Anything with you was fun...” Brian mumbles. “Jimmy, I don’t think I’m-“

“Shhhh... we talked about this. I’ll text the guys to come over, alright?” I promise him. My heartbeat quickens as I struggle to send the texts.

“I’m not gonna make it...” Brian whispers, his arms falling off of me. 

“Baby, no, you’ll make it. They’re on their way, just a little longer!” I’m panicking now at how pale and lifeless his face is becoming. He’s not even bothering to wipe the hair out of his mouth.

Brian lets his eyes slip close for a couple seconds before opening them again, and it nearly gives me a panic attack. He holds out until the others get here though, and they crowd around him.

“Bri, we’re here for you.” Zacky rests a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Guys, lets just give him a hug,” Matt suggests, helping me hold Brian to be sitting up. “It might make him feel better.”

Even Johnny joins in the hug as we all do our best to show Brian our affection. I look Brian right in the eyes with tears blurring my vision.

Brian just grins tiredly and mumbled a quiet “I love you” before closing his eyes and going fully limp.

I hug him close to my chest as I feel his final little breath leave his mouth in the form of heat on my neck. After that, nothing but the sounds of four grown men crying. I wrap him in the blanket and pick him up, carrying him back to the car. Matt offers to drive while I’m sobbing in the backseat, my Brian resting in my lap.

This will be the last time I ever get to hold him again as the doctors take him away from me. They hand me the ring from his finger, and I put it on a chain that dangles from my neck. I can’t stop crying for weeks until I finally run out of tears. I’m left staring at empty walls to pass the time because I have no motivation to do anything.

Nobody wants to write anymore music aside from what we already have, and nobody wants to do anything. I haven’t touched my drumkit in ages, and the dust gathered on the skins is growing thick. 

I miss him, and it hurts when I show up to his funeral and see his lifeless face resting there. They lower him into the ground and that’s the last I’ll ever see of him. That only brings on more tears, and soon my life just becomes nothing more than laying on my bed watching the clouds outside. 

The guys come over a few times to convince me to come back, and I reluctantly pick up my drumsticks again. I’m going to keep going because it’s what he would’ve wanted.

A while goes by, and we still haven’t done much for the album because we have lives and emotions that need tending to. It’s Brian’s birthday today, the middle of summer. I’m still wearing all black regardless. I go and sit in front of his gravestone and place down a lollipop from last Halloween there instead of flowers. 

“Bri, I miss you... and I think about you every day. I’m only still going for you, and I hope that you’ve got a spot next to you up there for me.” I let a little giggle slip out and I feel a cold hand on my face. My immediate reaction is to turn around in fear, but all I see is the empty graveyard.

Sitting in my lap when I turn around is the ghost of my husband. He’s wearing his favourite shirt and his classic fedora, and I just hug him. As best as I can without going through him. He’s definitely there though, and I know he watches over me.

“Don’t worry, we’re never fully apart.” He whispers to me, dark brown eyes showing nothing but sincerity. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bri...” I watch him disappear and the cold feeling on my body fades away. I leave the candy and walk home from the graveyard with a slight smile on my face, something I haven’t had for a while. I call up the guys on the phone before I lose my train of thought.

“Guys, I have more song ideas.”

Because I know it’s what he would’ve wanted.


End file.
